Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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