12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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