You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
MIDGETS
????
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
