what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
