The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
