Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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