There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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