wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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