i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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