Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
