i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
