And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
