I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
