We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
