I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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