go do what you do best...puke behind churches
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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