its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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