I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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