another moral hangover. fuck.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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