I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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