EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
