she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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