there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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