can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
