I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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