Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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