yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
