while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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