Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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