You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
