Umm I'm too high to move.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
