Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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