Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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