I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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