No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
