don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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