whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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