apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize