my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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