I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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