just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
