I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
