His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
