He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
