just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My ass is underappreciated
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