So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
