So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
