Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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