either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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