a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
