I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
