why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
