Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
