remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
3pm strippers are depressing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
