Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
