I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
