So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
