Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
