I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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