the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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