Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
