Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
