well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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