i jhust puked up my retainher.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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