just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize