I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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