Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
