Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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