We're facebook friends in real life
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
