just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
