STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
