hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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