I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
