Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize